March Against Meanies

I have been bummed out all week. Don’t worry, I’m not emo or on the verge of dying my hair black and getting a tattoo of a bleeding rose on my forehead. No, I’m just wandering around, staring at my dragging feet, humming Aretha Franklin and remembering the good old days.
You know, the good old days: when there were still Inauguration events that required waking up at four in the morning. Those days when the city air was filled with the tinkling of accents from all over the country, when it was easy to buy a neon Obama t-shirt for three dollars on a street corner and carry big signs with pictures of ovaries on them without being questioned. Yeah, those were the good old days.
But now what do I have to live for? Snow. Pah! It’s just going to melt; I don’t want to get too attached to it. I want last week back – the excitement, the romance, the crowds!
Perhaps it’s time to take matters into my own hands. While I don’t plan on forgetting the madness of Inauguration and the March for Life anytime soon, I think D.C. could use more events that will draw millions of people together. We need to collaborate on some causes that virtually anyone would want to stand for.
Like ice cream. Do you know how many billions of people would travel from New Mexico, Florida, and even Canada if D.C. held a March for Ice Cream. Even the two people I know that don’t like ice cream would probably go to the March for Ice Cream just because it sounds like a real party, does it not?
Or how about a We Are Fun concert? I know I would definitely be first in line for a concert featuring only the funnest artists in the business. Plus, I would definitely want at least eight commemorative t-shirts.
But I think I found my best plan for a gathering of epic proportions – NO ONE could resist this idea. I propose we organize a March Against Mean People. Yes, it’s unfortunate, but EVERYONE knows at least ONE mean person, so why not march for the cause?! March in protest of the middle school bully that broke your model of the solar system that took six weeks to make. March in protest of that awful, smelly second grade teacher that wouldn’t let you eat paste. Or march for someone you care about: your awkward brother who has recently fallen victim to mean telemarketers. March for your grandmother who got cussed out by some meanie when she made an illegal left hand turn on Michigan Avenue.
Mean people should no longer tear us apart, make us feel crummy. Instead, let’s let our common dislike of mean people bring us together. On the Mall. Really soon.
Okay, maybe it’s a terrifically stupid idea. Maybe I’ll never feel the same way about a week again. Maybe last week was my peak and it’s all downhill from here.
Or maybe I need to look around and find excitement in everyday life. I don’t need a march or a concert or political party to find people that share the same interests as me. And if I want to meet people from around the country, then maybe it’s high time that I start saving up for Greyhound Bus tickets.
Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate what we have in front of us, but I guess there’s no time like right now to start trying.